I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
