So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
