She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
