based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
