I wish I could teleport
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
