Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
