I'm gonna have a badass scar
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
