I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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