you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
