I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
