He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So much Jack, so little girl.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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