i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
