You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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