so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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