Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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