I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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