The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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