I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
