i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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