Already got asked if we're dating
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
