I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
