It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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