I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
