You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
