The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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