i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
