I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
