She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
