The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
