How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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