You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
