he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
