I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
