im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
