shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
