Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
