I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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