woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
