margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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