it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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