My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
