Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
