nut hugger
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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