You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
