Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
