one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
