I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
