Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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