I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
