you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
