Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
