Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
