Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god it's open bar.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
