Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
