We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
